First Dates

The other day, my son was getting ready for another first date. I was hopeful for him. 

He left to fill his car with gas. He came back home carrying a huge bouquet of roses. I must have looked shocked. He quickly explained that "she loves roses". 

I asked him to remind me how long they had been dating and if they were serious. He looked sad and said it was another first date. 

I told him that a whole bouquet of roses was not a good idea.  He looked like I had torn his heart out.  I told him that if his father had presented me with a huge bouquet of roses on our first date, I would have freaked out. 

I was his same age many moons ago, and dating as a girl was scary, even then. I had dated many guys who were desperate to woo me on the first date. Very awkward. 

My son just looked at the money he had spent. I said he could take her one rose or leave them all at home. I wanted to hug him. 

He paused for a few seconds and handed me the roses. He said, "Mom, they are for you". I said thank you, but I thought he should enjoy them himself. 

While he was getting ready for his date, I quickly cut the roses and put them in a blue glass vase and presented them to him. "Put them in your room". I kept a few of the roses and put them in our living room so that the family could enjoy them. I also snuck a couple of red roses in a small vase, and I put them in his bathroom. 

I am hoping the date went well... without the roses.

Watching my adult kid maneuver the dating world is hard for this momma. My husband and I are very honest with our son about dating, romance, and being a good date. Some lessons are painful to watch, and sometimes we can catch things before he makes a mistake. Luckily, he is a good communicator and sees us as safe to come to during this phase of his life. 

Roses are for love and commitment. Choose your dating gifts wisely. 

 

Everyday Grace around Expectant Mothers and New Babies

My grandmother had a wonderful way of subtly teaching me poise and elegance.

As a girl with numerous male cousins and predominantly male classmates, it was difficult for me to remember the subtle nudges she gave me. However, I eventually managed to learn.

One thing I quickly realized when new cousins arrived was that expectant mothers are beautiful but also tired. Their round bellies and loose, flowing clothes made them look so lovely. 

I was delighted to welcome a new cousin into our family. We made it a point to visit the new little ones shortly after their birth on most occasions. 

My grandma instructed me to keep my hands to myself and to talk quietly around the baby and the tired mom.

As a new mom 25 years ago,  I expected others to have the same respect. Nope! Everyone wanted to touch my belly while I was pregnant or cuddle with my son shortly after coming home from the hospital.  I cringed inside.

Luckily, my grandmother was around shortly after my son was born. She scolded people who tried to take my son out of his carrier or insisted it was their turn to hold him. She strongly encouraged them to wash their hands and not stand so close.

While I was pregnant, a lady came up to me and immediately started to reach out for my very large belly. I swung out of her reach and promptly said I would prefer she not touch my growing belly. She was insulted.  

Our first time in church after our son was born, everyone wanted to hold our son. We insisted that they just look but not touch. Some people were respectful, and others were hurt. 

We chose an old-fashioned name for our son. Quite a few people said they didn't like his name and wanted to know if they could call him something different. We refused most suggestions for nicknames. 

25 years later... here is some friendly advice: 

• Respect a mother's growing belly. The belly is hers. Give her lots of room to move around and get comfortable.
• Respect the baby. Immune systems will increase slowly, just not all on the first outing. Let Mom and Dad handle the carrier or stroller.  If you have had a cold or the flu, keep your distance. 
• If you don't like the name... keep it to yourself.
• If they let you hold the new baby, treasure the moment. 
• The greeting should be "Congratulations," no matter how many children they already have at home. Babies are a blessing. 
• Finally, please keep yourself from suggesting sleep or feeding schedules.  I guarantee you, the mom and the dad are tired from getting so much advice.

A casserole dish of food, a cozy sleeper for the baby, or a gift card for take-out are welcome gifts. And keep visits short. 

A little bit of kindness and grace goes a long way with a pregnant woman or a new mom/dad. 

Are there any ways you have found that show love and kindness to new moms/dads and new babies?  Please share it in the comment section.